The Colour of Forever
by LeeT911
Summary: In which Jester is maybe a little bit oblivious about Beau's motivations, and Marion is not. (Critical Role C2 spoilers, Beau/Jester)


Blue is the colour of the sea, and the sky, and sadness, and sapphires. Beau's lies are not just black or white, sometimes they're blue. And Beau thinks that might just be the colour of forever.

"Don't sleep on the floor, Beau, you'll catch cold. Come up here with me."

Beau doesn't mention that she can't really feel the cold anymore, nor can she get sick. It's a simple meditation trick to block it out, and her body can survive much worse than sleeping on a stone floor. Jester must know this of course, after all their adventures together, but it makes Beau happy to know that she cares.

"Are you sure?"

"Oh come on, it'll be like camping again, or staying in Caleb's hut."

They were sort of best friends before saving the world, even though they almost never said that out loud. Nowadays, Beau isn't sure what they are. They are heroes, and champions of Wildemount, and all of the Mighty Nein would call each other family, but that's not how Beau thinks of Jester. Beau has decidedly different feelings about Jester. But they don't talk about those sorts of things.

They don't talk about why Beau moved to Nicodranas after they all went their separate ways. _I need a change of scenery. (I want to be close to you_.)

Nor why an Expositor of the Cobalt Soul spends so much of her time at the Lavish Chateau. _It's a great place to keep tabs on the city. _ (_I like the sleepovers.)_

They don't talk about why they sleep in the same room even though there are plenty of others available. And they absolutely do not talk about how Beau feels when Jester curls up against her in bed. How she shivers every time Jester stretches or flicks her tail around before falling asleep.

"Are you cold, Beau?"

"No." The monk's skin is burning. Jester's is cool to the touch. Beau has to focus on keeping her hands still, on not touching Jester too much, no matter how much she may want to.

"I like it when you're here," Jester says, and Beau's heart skips a little.

"I like staying here with you." That's not a lie, but it's not the whole truth either.

"Goodnight Beau," Jester whispers, "I love you."

"Goodnight," Beau mumbles, and her heart is breaking, because she knows Jester doesn't mean it. _Not that way._

* * *

Beau wakes before dawn because that's how things are for an Expositor. Jester is still wrapped around her, horns digging into Beau's neck and tail draped over a leg.

Beau breathes in the morning air and the scent of Jester nearby. Absently, she runs her fingers along Jester's tail, smiles to herself when that elicits a soft purr. Beyond the window, the first rays of morning light and starting to peek above the city.

Beau doesn't go back to sleep. She watches the steady motion of Jester's chest and commits this scene to memory. This is a perfect morning.

When Jester wakes, the sun is more than halfway up and Beau hasn't moved. The tiefling sits up with a start. "Why did you let me sleep in? I wanted to go to the beach and see the boats with you."

"You looked so comfortable." Beau doesn't say the real reason of course. That watching Jester sleep next to her lets her pretend that they're in love. That she worries spending too much waking time with Jester will make her slip up do something she shouldn't. "I didn't want to disturb you."

"You need to get back to the Cobalt Soul, don't you?" Jester pouts, and Beau almost gives in to the temptation.

"Yeah, I have new recruits to train."

"At least have some breakfast first." Jester uses her magic to conjure food. "A whole pile of donuts! With bacon! I know you like bacon, Beau. And I know you don't really have to eat anymore with your badass monk abilities, but you should. It's so tasty. You can even take some back in your pockets for later."

Beau laughs, "That's a bit much, isn't it?"

"I'll share with Bluud. He loves bacon donuts almost as much as you do."

Beau doesn't have the heart to tell Jester she's not really that fond of bacon donuts, that she eats them because Jester wants her to enjoy them, and that she just likes to see Jester happy.

So she takes a big bite out of one donut, and puts a second in her pocket. Maybe the best aspiring recruit will get a treat today.

"Are you as strict as Dairon?"

Beau shakes her head. "I think Dairon was tough with me because she saw that I needed discipline back then. My students aren't like that."

"I'm sure you're a great teacher, Beau. After all, you saved the world."

"Only because you were there. And the others too." Beau misses the rest of the Mighty Nein, but not as much as she misses Jester. Because even though they see each other all the time, things are not the same as they used to be, back when they were saving the world, when it genuinely felt like any day could be their last. Back then, Beau said and did things that felt real, especially around Jester.

"We were pretty awesome, weren't we?"

"You're always awesome." _And pretty too_. Back then, Beau would risk a lot. Now she speaks only weakness.

She reaches out and squeezes the tiefling's shoulder, even though what Beau really wants is to kiss her. _Weakness_. "Bye Jess." Then she's gone, bacon donuts tucked away in a pocket.

* * *

When they see each other the next day, Beau does take Jester to the beach. They run along the sand and watch the ships go in and out from port. They make up funny names for each vessel, and Jester uses her duplicate to act out ridiculous scenarios for any observers from the boats.

Jester continues the act with her duplicate even as they sit down for a picnic lunch by the water. Beau nearly chokes on her food while laughing at a particularly dramatic display.

"Don't die, Beau. Mama still expects you to come see her show tonight."

"She's always inviting me."

"She likes it when you're there."

Maybe it's true. Sometimes when they watch the show from Jester's secret hiding place, Beau gets the impression that the Ruby of the Sea is singing directly to her, songs about falling and fighting, about love and loss and longing. She sings songs about forever like she's never heard of heartbreak, and Beau feels like Marion sees right through her.

Jester continues, "I like it when you're there. Mama says I'm happier when you're there."

Beau knows then, that it must be true. That Marion can read people (_it's her job_) and that Beau must be so transparent to her. "Are you happier with me?"

"Of course I am, I-"

"Love you." They both finish at the same time. Beau is biting her lip, pouring all of her pent up feelings into this stare. And all of sudden, it dawns on Jester exactly what is happening.

The duplicate fades away, forgotten. Jester licks her lips, swishes her tail around, returns the intent stare. "Beau?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

The monk doesn't answer, just pulls Jester towards her until their lips are touching. Jester is gentle and curious and strong. Beau is crying. Maybe it's the love, or maybe it's relief from all the anxiety leaving her. Beau isn't sure which, but they both feel good.

When they break apart several minutes later, Beau is shaky and Jester is crying too.

"How long have you loved me like that?" The tiefling asks.

"Always," Beau says, even though she knows that's not true. It just feels that way.

"Why?"

"Because…" Beau has lots of things in mind, but none of them seem right. "I like the colour blue," she finishes, which is a terrible reason, but her real reasons are layered, and complicated, and she's not sure she could put them into words even for herself.

So she leans in for another kiss, and Jester obliges. "I love you," Jester says, and even though her tone is the same as always, this time she means it. Beau forgets to keep breathing.


End file.
